Mind Control

Rollercoaster of emotion as I walk into a room as my pretentious show sets a certain mood. I am never forgotten and always the talk of a crowd, but I fear it is misunderstood because I speak to loud. I hug gently I laugh loudly how I do offend thee? But alas I do not care because who are you to me. I drink my wine and the conversation turns narcissistic but who knows if I am really being specific.

Father Time

Time heals everything at least that is what they keep saying as the rain falls around us as it should on such a day. They hug our lifeless bodies and shake our hands. Reality has slipped as I stand there dressed in black as I know your never coming back. I can’t even fathom what is happening this can’t be real. I see the flowers the tears and I look around at the people who stare at us not knowing what to say, because there is nothing you can say. I can’t feel my heart beating and I am pretty sure I am going to stop breathing. My world is a black cloud and now you want to lower her into darkness. The people walk away but I stay as the machine begins to lower her last resting bed and I run through what’s left of the crowd and yell STOP! One last time I open her bed hold her hand and kiss her forehead for one last time and whisper I love you. A tear falls like my life has. So you see Father time I am angry as hell 2007-2010 how much time do you think it takes to forget a life that was taken before it ever began. She is now my angel and not a day goes by that I don’t try to remember her voice or want to reach out and touch her hand. One day father time I will see her again but your wrong about one thing … you cannot heal everything, because sometimes something is just broken like my heart
To my Sister Brandi who taught me about having dreams and never stopping no matter what anyone says. I will never stop missing you and time will never help me forget you. I watched you enter this world and then I watched you leave. My only regret is not speaking at your funeral. I love you a million butterflies. She was only 18

Love N War

I lay upon the grass as the willows brush upon my skin, I smile as the sun warms my heart as it misses you so. The birds fly high above whistling sounds of joy. I reach out to pick a flower and smell its sweet nectar. I hear rustling sounds of children playing nearby. I picture in my mind that we to one day will have the pitter patter of tiny feet. As beautiful as the day may be I think of only you. I wonder where your travels have led you. I wonder if you are thinking of me now. I touch my neck a place you once tenderly kissed my skin. The sea carries you to a place of war and volatile scenery. A place I could never imagine and dare to think of. I can only photograph our memories and hope you can read my thoughts so that maybe for just a moment in time you can lay in the meadow with me and forget the awful and cruel things that surround your duties. If I could be one thing at this very moment I would be a bird and fly to you, and even though you could never know it was me. Maybe just maybe I could whistle a tune that would bring my sweet love peace. I pray that we will lay in the meadow again one day. Until then I will write to you about things that will bring you home to me.

Our World

My eyes fold back and forth not believing the scents telling me you’re here as I do not have the strength to turn around and see you for myself. Finally my heart begins to beat again. I feel so alive you make me feel alive as if you opened a portal of dreams and hope. If I could not see your sweet face, your silly hair, and those brown eyes would I not exist? I let the space grow dark between us only because I am not yours, and you are not mine. Oh how I wish for light. The leather scent from your jacket reminds me of your thoughts and your dreams. How I too share so many of them. If we were birds would you fly away with me? Then this forbidden fruit would not be so unreachable. I doodle with my pencil pretending to listen but I want to look over my shoulder. I want to hold out my hand and caress yours but alas it is forbidden. I day dream of your sweet lips touching mine your voice whispering in my ear of your affection. I am lost in the way you know things that I too can see, and hear in my heart. Your mind is beautiful but they say it is tainted with ghosts. Let me be your angel, so I can wrap my wings around your soul and let the ghosts disappear along with all of this infatuation. Let me be free of your hauntings. But if I am to speak the truth I would want you to haunt me till my dying day. Walk in the garden with me lay upon the grass and let us dream of a world only we know.

My Muse

I see you from afar yet so close. Wearing your silly yet perfect hat. You sit as a caterpillar young and full of life. But from my view you’re a butterfly wise beyond our years. I look over my shoulder thinking of something clever to say. I breathe in your innocence close my eyes and breathe out. Impress you I feel as if I cannot. This love is forbidden so I will lock it away like a photograph in time and remember you just the way you are today. If you only knew how I love you from afar. You are my muse.

Random thoughts

I live in a world filled with depth and sacrifice for the ones we love. Meeting people is a forte of mine. Falling in love with me is easy to do so I must ask that you refrain, and control your feelings as I am a lost cause and a hopeless romantic. Let’s be honest you could never live up to my expectations. ;) If I were a drink I would think I would be a fancy mix maybe an apple martini because I love fruit. But I am much more sophisticated then a fruity drink that most women order to make themselves look important. I am a bubble you think transparent but if you touch me too closely I shall burst into a flowing glass of refined Champagne ready to flow endlessly. I love reading 17th & 18th historical poetry and quite enjoy their games along with French fashion and the classical melodies. No one seems to understand my brain and everyone mistakes me for John Lennon because I too am a dreamer. I dream of a world when men did not dress in skinny jeans, and cars were not even thought of. A fancy horse a designer carriage and a cottage in the country of London with a beautiful garden who could want more. Take a carriage for instance. Yes bit of a nuisance for traveling but the layers and the detail who could argue the finesse of fine silks golden knobs and fine horsemen to guide through your adventure. I would surround myself with the people who amuse me write about love that never really exists, and build a wall around my world so no one could intrude on my fantasy. People who do not believe do not truly live or love. They walk through time as a robot waiting for the next fast technological tool so that we may read less talk less, and see less of the world that was meant to feed and provide, and even love. Why is it that most of us worry about the lives of others why most we waste pointless time on he said she said. But then again scandals do make great stories. Open a book lose yourself in a story that may never be yours, but can change your life in a way that no one maybe not even you could understand. My other dream is to publish I dream of a day you open my book and get lost in fantasy detail and love. I hope you dream of my thoughts that have been neatly printed into a book. Running your hands across the tittles in a store only to discover my name paper back hard back I can only wish for both. Pick me up explore my thoughts hopes, and dreams. Neatly painted and dressed like a show pony yet hoping to be a black stallion so I can race past the ones who doubt my ability to be a successful writer even if I am only a woman. Welcome to the beginning as we have a very long way to go.

Getting Started

More to come... Just wait ... It's intersting or could be only time will tell.